while reading the Bible, I remembered a time when I was little, and I was looking at dust and thinking about counting particles. And I was separating them with my fingers and noticing larger and smaller pieces of grit. And I wished that there was no oil or texture to my hands so that i could count all the particles without the particles getting mixed up in me.

I woke up this morning just seething with stress over last night. Everything was terrible. I was like Naomi Watts in Mulholland Drive. I could feel burning all down my veins, like my blood had turned slightly acid. I tried to go back to sleep. But as now, I remembered only the little things. Little fixations making my blood churn like hundreds of lanes of traffic, stop and go, stop and go.

Not trying to be poetic. Just saying what that was like. I remember when I was a child and I loved science. Carl Sagan. Then I had a crush on Flannery O'Connor. I'm working on my Jesus phase. It's hard to read the Bible, because it doesn't care about you and your modern subjectivity. I never went for the philosophers.